Every girls wants a sweet caring loving husband. ..
But I can't be complete every girl's wish. ..sorry!
Married life is so simple, Its just like a walkin the park.!!
BUT the problems is that the Jurassic-park...Jurassic Park... Now walk!
Friday, 20 December 2013
Tuesday, 5 November 2013
Some Craziest Dumbest Statements
When Mr. Romeo tells Miss Juliet that she's fat!
Well, he doesnt always use the internet, but when he does, he shares recipes and inspirational quotes. he is..the most pinteresting man in the world.
Crazy the only reason some people are starving and suffering in the world is because they aren't "so blessed".
Is there any jail just for people that don't break apart kit kats before they eat them.
My friends think that I got Right woman in my life but they don't yet know that she is 'Always Right'!
Well, he doesnt always use the internet, but when he does, he shares recipes and inspirational quotes. he is..the most pinteresting man in the world.
Crazy the only reason some people are starving and suffering in the world is because they aren't "so blessed".
Is there any jail just for people that don't break apart kit kats before they eat them.
My friends think that I got Right woman in my life but they don't yet know that she is 'Always Right'!
Saturday, 5 October 2013
2 Doors
Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4, it would be chicken sedan.
What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Because if it had 4, it would be chicken sedan.
What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Saturday, 14 September 2013
With a Broken Pencil
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
BECAUSE IT'S POINTLESS!
What did Zero say to number Eight?
sigh
BECAUSE IT'S POINTLESS!
What did Zero say to number Eight?
sigh
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
Coolest, craziest and simplest
Whether you're sitting idle or busy in any project, you can always spare some minutes to relax your mind and soul. No, no you need not to put any special effort for doing it, because we're giving you some of the coolest, craziest and simplest jokes for this purpose. They are one or two line long so no crack them when you get a chance.
What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Have you heard about the constipated mathematician?
He had to work it out with a pencil.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "P" is silent.
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Wherever you left it.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Which is the most stupid animal living in the jungle?"
"The polar bear."
Q:What's grey?
A: A melted penguin
Why don't seagulls fly over bays?
Because then they would be bagels!
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In little nazis.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A-buck-an-ear
I once farted in an elevator, which was wrong on so many levels.
What's green and when you get it stuck between your teeth, you die?
A tractor.
What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge.
Have you heard about the constipated mathematician?
He had to work it out with a pencil.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "P" is silent.
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Wherever you left it.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Which is the most stupid animal living in the jungle?"
"The polar bear."
Q:What's grey?
A: A melted penguin
Why don't seagulls fly over bays?
Because then they would be bagels!
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In little nazis.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A-buck-an-ear
I once farted in an elevator, which was wrong on so many levels.
What's green and when you get it stuck between your teeth, you die?
A tractor.
Friday, 9 August 2013
Get a Hole
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
Guide to understanding a net addiction on various days:-
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.
The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month. Others just go over them.
In case they get a hole in one!
Guide to understanding a net addiction on various days:-
Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours of usenet.
Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of usenet.
The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month. Others just go over them.
Sunday, 4 August 2013
Silliest Complaints Ever - You Must Go Through
After receiving strange but eye opening complaint from a user, Microsoft decided not to invest further in computers..
Complaint Date: 1st April - Person Name: I Doubt!
Dear Owner,
I bought a computer for my family but we came across some of the biggest unexpected problems! Kindly have a look.
#1. Near alt, I saw the start button but there is no Stop button.
#2. I also purchased keyboard, mouse, data card, CPU, data cable but there is only one icon which shows 'My computer'. So when you will provide the remaining items?
#3.You also show 'My Network Places'. For heaven's sake, please stop providing 'My secret places' I just do not want to let my spouse know where I go after my office hours.
#4. My kids learned 'Computer Word' now they want to learn 'Computer Sentence' so let us know when you introduce that.
#5. There is a query whether any re-scooter is available in your system? I see 're-cycle' only but U own a scooter.
#6. It is shocking that windows says 'My pictures' but there is not even a single pic of mine. So when will you keep my photos ion that?
#7. There is 'Microsoft Office' what about 'Microsoft Home' because I use system at home only.
#8. You only show my recent documents but I need to check my past documents too!
#9. You placed a 'Find' key but it is not working at all. My kid lost my car's key and I tried a lot to trace it with this 'find' button but it didn't work!
#10. Last but not least.. You tell you name is Gates then why are you selling Window?
Thanks & Regards
Always Concerned Person.
Complaint Date: 1st April - Person Name: I Doubt!
Dear Owner,
I bought a computer for my family but we came across some of the biggest unexpected problems! Kindly have a look.
#1. Near alt, I saw the start button but there is no Stop button.
#2. I also purchased keyboard, mouse, data card, CPU, data cable but there is only one icon which shows 'My computer'. So when you will provide the remaining items?
#3.You also show 'My Network Places'. For heaven's sake, please stop providing 'My secret places' I just do not want to let my spouse know where I go after my office hours.
#4. My kids learned 'Computer Word' now they want to learn 'Computer Sentence' so let us know when you introduce that.
#5. There is a query whether any re-scooter is available in your system? I see 're-cycle' only but U own a scooter.
#6. It is shocking that windows says 'My pictures' but there is not even a single pic of mine. So when will you keep my photos ion that?
#7. There is 'Microsoft Office' what about 'Microsoft Home' because I use system at home only.
#8. You only show my recent documents but I need to check my past documents too!
#9. You placed a 'Find' key but it is not working at all. My kid lost my car's key and I tried a lot to trace it with this 'find' button but it didn't work!
#10. Last but not least.. You tell you name is Gates then why are you selling Window?
Thanks & Regards
Always Concerned Person.
Thursday, 1 August 2013
Insult
What if you sleep into something more comfortable? Emhh... Like a coma!
You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
Ever you hear that?
What?
That.. that sound of no-one caring!
You seem like a black hole of need.
Don't take me as totally useless - use me for that practice!
90% of majority people live and learn, but 10% like you.. just live!
Does this mean our plans for tonight are off or your girlfriend is joining in?
A good male doesn't just happen. He has to be created by us women.
Are you hot but uncomfortable yet?
A man can sleep around no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp.
The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
That's the nature of research-you don't know what in hell you're doing.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
Ever you hear that?
What?
That.. that sound of no-one caring!
You seem like a black hole of need.
Don't take me as totally useless - use me for that practice!
90% of majority people live and learn, but 10% like you.. just live!
Does this mean our plans for tonight are off or your girlfriend is joining in?
A good male doesn't just happen. He has to be created by us women.
Are you hot but uncomfortable yet?
A man can sleep around no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp.
The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
That's the nature of research-you don't know what in hell you're doing.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Sunday, 28 July 2013
All Men
All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all others.
A retired husband is often a wife's full time job.
Easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
Cowculator
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Olive Toop
Olive Toop Who?
So do I, but I don't brag about it.
I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
A retired husband is often a wife's full time job.
Easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
Cowculator
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Olive Toop
Olive Toop Who?
So do I, but I don't brag about it.
I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.
This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
Just insignificant
What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea?
Because the Canadiens have all the cups.
Whats the difference between the Leafs and a cigarette machince?
The cigarette machince has PLAYER'S.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea?
Because the Canadiens have all the cups.
Whats the difference between the Leafs and a cigarette machince?
The cigarette machince has PLAYER'S.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine.
Friday, 19 July 2013
Would like to live with?
A kid was standing in court beside a judge. His parents were getting divorce and the judge asked him which parent he would like to live with.
With your mother?"
"No! she beats me all the time
"Ok,
So with your father.
"No! he beats me every night as well!
"Well if both your parents beat you then who do you want to live with?".
The boy replies "The Toronto Maple Leafs." The judge is puzzled. "why would you want to live with them?" he asks. The boy replies "Because they dont beat anyone!"
With your mother?"
"No! she beats me all the time
"Ok,
So with your father.
"No! he beats me every night as well!
"Well if both your parents beat you then who do you want to live with?".
The boy replies "The Toronto Maple Leafs." The judge is puzzled. "why would you want to live with them?" he asks. The boy replies "Because they dont beat anyone!"
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Beautiful or Cute?
Once a lawyer wakes up from his disease after treatment, and notices his spouse besides him. His eyes little open and he utters, "Hey beautiful!" and then he falls asleep again.
His wife gets a shock because he never heard it from him.
After 10 minutes, he again opens his eyes and he says �Hey cute!"
She asks what happened? Earlier you were calling me beautiful but now cute. why?
"The drugs are wearing off!" He replies!
His wife gets a shock because he never heard it from him.
After 10 minutes, he again opens his eyes and he says �Hey cute!"
She asks what happened? Earlier you were calling me beautiful but now cute. why?
"The drugs are wearing off!" He replies!
Saturday, 13 July 2013
Thoughtful and touching thing
One day, two friends play golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 29 years."
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 29 years."
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Girl After Wine
When a girl takes Alcohol, there are lots of funny dramatic things happen with her. She does lots of daring and amusing tasks. Before and after drink, there is world of difference between her personality. Lets have a look at them:
You really believe that dancing with your arms, rounding your head, and wiggling your back portion while shouting 'Woo-hoo!' is perfectly coolest dance move ever.
You start hugging your friends and expressing you love them more than anyone else.
You get very exited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because 'Oh my God! This is ma favorite song!'
You've suddenly started smoking and be really perfect at first go.
You start yelling at bartender, who you believe cheated you by giving you just lemonade.
It feels like you are in bed but pillow feels like tough floor.
You've suddenly decided that you love to kick someone's back and sincerely believe you could do it.
At you last visit to pee, you realize that you now look more like a homeless hooker than the simple sweet goddess you were just before few hours ago.
You throw your sandals because you believe it's their fault that you're having walking problem.
When a vehicle hits you you have no idea where your mobile and purse are.
You really believe that dancing with your arms, rounding your head, and wiggling your back portion while shouting 'Woo-hoo!' is perfectly coolest dance move ever.
You start hugging your friends and expressing you love them more than anyone else.
You get very exited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because 'Oh my God! This is ma favorite song!'
You've suddenly started smoking and be really perfect at first go.
You start yelling at bartender, who you believe cheated you by giving you just lemonade.
It feels like you are in bed but pillow feels like tough floor.
You've suddenly decided that you love to kick someone's back and sincerely believe you could do it.
At you last visit to pee, you realize that you now look more like a homeless hooker than the simple sweet goddess you were just before few hours ago.
You throw your sandals because you believe it's their fault that you're having walking problem.
When a vehicle hits you you have no idea where your mobile and purse are.
Tuesday, 9 July 2013
You are not obnoxious
You are not obnoxious like so many other people..
SO what I am?
You are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
SO what I am?
You are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
Monday, 8 July 2013
Great legs
In a club, there was some big fat bird dancing on that table.
As I walked past, I said great legs.
She said "really, thank you"
I said yeah, most tables would have collapsed by now.
As I walked past, I said great legs.
She said "really, thank you"
I said yeah, most tables would have collapsed by now.
Saturday, 6 July 2013
What's WRONG with me
A lady early in morning, rushed to visit her doctor. She was looking very much tensed and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....
Tuesday, 2 July 2013
With Your Wife
A man goes to a bar and asks for a beer.
Waiter replies: Sure Sir, Its cost is one cent." "One Cent?"
the man exclaims. He glances at the menu and asks: How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?
A nickel, the barman replies.
"A nickel?" exclaims the man.
Where's the man who owns this place?
The bartender replies: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asks: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replies: The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.
Waiter replies: Sure Sir, Its cost is one cent." "One Cent?"
the man exclaims. He glances at the menu and asks: How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?
A nickel, the barman replies.
"A nickel?" exclaims the man.
Where's the man who owns this place?
The bartender replies: "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asks: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replies: The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.
Sunday, 30 June 2013
New French tank
Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
Monday, 24 June 2013
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Friday, 21 June 2013
Why are you late?
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
Farmer's wife
How did the farmer's wife get the chickens in to the pot?
She told them it was a chicken jacuzzi.
She told them it was a chicken jacuzzi.
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Too much weight
How do you let your wife know that she is putting on too much weight?
You give her a certificate with the title "NUTRITIONAL OVERACHIEVER"!
You give her a certificate with the title "NUTRITIONAL OVERACHIEVER"!
Muscle spasms
How much do you exercise?
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all!
Friday, 14 June 2013
Thursday, 13 June 2013
A mole and an eagle
Q: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Sunday, 9 June 2013
The florist
Did you hear about the florist who had two kids?
One was a budding genius and the other was a blooming idiot.
One was a budding genius and the other was a blooming idiot.
Friday, 7 June 2013
Your point of view.
I'd love to see things from your point of view..
But..
What?
But I can not seem to get my head that far up your ass.
The thing to laugh in this joke is some people's mind is not located in head. They always talk strange. So indirectly, he is making fun of his stupid unrelated suggestions. I know you too have that kind of person in your circle, so why not to use it.
But..
What?
But I can not seem to get my head that far up your ass.
The thing to laugh in this joke is some people's mind is not located in head. They always talk strange. So indirectly, he is making fun of his stupid unrelated suggestions. I know you too have that kind of person in your circle, so why not to use it.
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
Newspaper
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get the newspaper!
Imagining chickens doing so can make anyone giggle. They are really so cute but seems to be too busy in their work. Their innocence forces to joke about them.
To get the newspaper!
Imagining chickens doing so can make anyone giggle. They are really so cute but seems to be too busy in their work. Their innocence forces to joke about them.
Go down
What does is smell like to go down on a 75 year old woman?
Depends.
What a bad guy, for the age of 75 year old female, he still finds some chances! isn't it? Everyone else would have been said a big NO!
Depends.
What a bad guy, for the age of 75 year old female, he still finds some chances! isn't it? Everyone else would have been said a big NO!
A pirate in bar
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his pants.
Bartender says, "Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?"
Pirate says, "Aye! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Bartender says, "Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?"
Pirate says, "Aye! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Brown chicken v/s Brown cow
What do you get when a brown chicken has sex with a brown cow?
Brown chicken brown cow (answering in sing-songy 'bow chicca bow now').
Brown chicken brown cow (answering in sing-songy 'bow chicca bow now').
Two pairs of trousers
Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
In case they had a hole in one.
In case they had a hole in one.
Monday, 3 June 2013
Sunday, 2 June 2013
Saturday, 1 June 2013
Chicken coop
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
Friday, 31 May 2013
Not long enough
A couple are trying to set up a new password for their a/c.
The husband puts, "My that" and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
The husband puts, "My that" and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
Hen-pecked
A husband is a man who when someone tells him he is hen-pecked, answers, yes, but I am pecked by a good hen.
Thursday, 30 May 2013
Wednesday, 29 May 2013
Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make�
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever�
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?
? Gena Showalter
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make�
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever�
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?
? Gena Showalter
Golfer's advantage
What advantage does a golfer have over a fisherman?
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Dad's Age
Them: How old is your dad?
Me: As old as me.
Them : How can that be?
Me: He became a father only when I was born.
Me: As old as me.
Them : How can that be?
Me: He became a father only when I was born.
Monday, 27 May 2013
Getting on my nerves
Sheila: That boy is getting on my nerves.
Rosie: What nonsense -- he is not even looking at you!
Sheila: That is what is getting on my nerves.
Rosie: What nonsense -- he is not even looking at you!
Sheila: That is what is getting on my nerves.
A tick and a lawyer
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
A tick falls off of you when you die.
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Finest Lie
Two kids were arguing when the teacher entered.
Teacher: Why are you arguing?
Kid: We found a 20 dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the finest lie.
Teacher: Sham on you. When I was your age I didn�t even know what a lie was.
The kid gave bill to the teacher.
Teacher: Why are you arguing?
Kid: We found a 20 dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the finest lie.
Teacher: Sham on you. When I was your age I didn�t even know what a lie was.
The kid gave bill to the teacher.
Far worse way
You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
Last night fight
The fight we had last night was my fault.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
Nice Decent Clean Jokes
'If you want to read Nice and Decent Clean Jokes then it is the best place for your desire. Undoubtedly you can share these modest jokes with your family, relatives, elders and younger.'
Very Neat - Very Funny - Responsive - Cute - Evergreen - General
General:
Difference between talent and God gift:
A man can give lecture for 2 hours on many subjects. This is talent
A woman can give lecture for 2 hour without any subject - this is a God gift!
What two things can never be eaten for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner
What is so special about Pretty Bunny�s jewellery?
It is made from 14 carrot (carrat) gold
Where can you always find a tiger�s head?
Four feet from its tail.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
How do you make one disappear?
Add a �g� or an �n� to �one�!
Very Funny:
if a girl says - I don't like shopping...than marry her!
After making girlfriends, guys actually know how costly the life style is.
Wife: What is the spelling of Happiness
Husband: U.N.M.A.R.R.I.E.D.
Some kids are so cute that after seeing them - we desire to meet their moms..
Beggar Gets 10 cents from madam on red light.
Her shouts: this is not fair..
Madam: Why?
Beggar: One last red light, you donated USD 10..
Mada,m: How did you know?
Beggar: While showing his apple phone, see he shouted in group on whatsapp!
Kid: My teacher is cute and beautiful.
Dad: Son, teacher is like mother.
Kid: Selfish, you always think o your self.
Responsive:
How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A wave.
Something a bridegroom might wear: 'A dress..'
Dr: When did you first notice you had diarrhea?
Patient: When I took off my bicycle clips.
Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: 'Feeds your pets..'
My girlfriend told me choose any one - "friends or me". Sometimes I miss her.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
*Stalks crush on Facebook*... *Accidentally likes status from 2009*... *Deletes Facebook*... *Sets computer on fire*... *Leaves country*
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
Cute:
Girl's logic: When you like a guy, do nothing about it and expect him to magically know and make the first move.
You breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."
What's the difference between driving in golf and driving a car?
When you drive a car you don't want to hit anything.
Wife : Do you want meal?
Husband: What are my choices?
Wife: Denial or acceptance.
Evergreen:
The pig who fell in the DIRTY MUD took a CLEAN bath
The robber who was robbing was caught by a GOOD policeman
Very Neat
Child : With report card in hand..
Mother: So whats your final grade?
Child : Underwater
Mother : what does that mean?
Child: Below C LEVEL (Sea.. you know..)
When are the steps rude????
When they stair at you!
Kld : (returning from his match in his floor) "Mom", can I have an apple?
Mom: Baby, you just ate one.
Kid: An apple a day keeps the doctor away and I just broke his window.
Now jump to Funny Quotes.
Very Neat - Very Funny - Responsive - Cute - Evergreen - General
General:
Difference between talent and God gift:
A man can give lecture for 2 hours on many subjects. This is talent
A woman can give lecture for 2 hour without any subject - this is a God gift!
What two things can never be eaten for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner
What is so special about Pretty Bunny�s jewellery?
It is made from 14 carrot (carrat) gold
Where can you always find a tiger�s head?
Four feet from its tail.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
How do you make one disappear?
Add a �g� or an �n� to �one�!
Very Funny:
if a girl says - I don't like shopping...than marry her!
After making girlfriends, guys actually know how costly the life style is.
Wife: What is the spelling of Happiness
Husband: U.N.M.A.R.R.I.E.D.
Some kids are so cute that after seeing them - we desire to meet their moms..
Beggar Gets 10 cents from madam on red light.
Her shouts: this is not fair..
Madam: Why?
Beggar: One last red light, you donated USD 10..
Mada,m: How did you know?
Beggar: While showing his apple phone, see he shouted in group on whatsapp!
Kid: My teacher is cute and beautiful.
Dad: Son, teacher is like mother.
Kid: Selfish, you always think o your self.
Responsive:
How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A wave.
Something a bridegroom might wear: 'A dress..'
Dr: When did you first notice you had diarrhea?
Patient: When I took off my bicycle clips.
Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: 'Feeds your pets..'
My girlfriend told me choose any one - "friends or me". Sometimes I miss her.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
*Stalks crush on Facebook*... *Accidentally likes status from 2009*... *Deletes Facebook*... *Sets computer on fire*... *Leaves country*
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
Cute:
Girl's logic: When you like a guy, do nothing about it and expect him to magically know and make the first move.
You breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.
Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."
What's the difference between driving in golf and driving a car?
When you drive a car you don't want to hit anything.
Wife : Do you want meal?
Husband: What are my choices?
Wife: Denial or acceptance.
Evergreen:
The pig who fell in the DIRTY MUD took a CLEAN bath
The robber who was robbing was caught by a GOOD policeman
Very Neat
Child : With report card in hand..
Mother: So whats your final grade?
Child : Underwater
Mother : what does that mean?
Child: Below C LEVEL (Sea.. you know..)
When are the steps rude????
When they stair at you!
Kld : (returning from his match in his floor) "Mom", can I have an apple?
Mom: Baby, you just ate one.
Kid: An apple a day keeps the doctor away and I just broke his window.
Now jump to Funny Quotes.
Top 100 Knock Knock Jokes
'Do you know the best-known format of the pun in the style of "call and answer" exercise? A kind of role-play type of game, with a punster and a recipient of wit. Yes, Knock knock jokes! So enjoy here Top 100 best of them.'
And if you like video then enjoy -:
And if you like video then enjoy -:
| Knock, knock Who�s there? Merry. Merry who? Merry Christmas! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in? | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Anee. Anee,who? Anee one you like! | Knock, knock Who�s there? Iva. Iva who? I�ve a sore hand from knocking! | Knock Knock Who�s there? Cows go Cows go who? Cows go moo not who. | knock knock who's there Andy! Andy who Andy bit me again owwwwwwwwwwww. submitted by: Ruby | |
| Knock, knock. Who�s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anybody want to let me in? | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little money for the movies. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Henrietta. Henrietta who? Henrietta worm that was in his apple. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin the piggy bank again. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday to you! | Knock Knock Who's there? Dwen Dwen who? Dwen the bathroom I'm dweening! submitted by:Elizabeth | |
| Knock, knock. Who�s there? Cow�s go Cow�s go who? Cow�s don�t go who, they go moo! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Etch. Etch who? Bless you! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Roach. Roach who? Roach you a letter, did you get it? | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Aida. Aida who? Aida sandwich for lunch today. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe help me with my home | ||
| Knock, knock. Who�s there? Scold. Scold who? Scold enough out here to go ice skating. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Police. Police who? Police hurry up, it�s chilly outside! | Knock, knock Who�s there? Justin. Justin who? Just in the neighborhood, thought I would drop by. | Knock, knock Who�s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben knocking For 10 minutes. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Nana. Nana who? Nana your business. | Knock knock. Who's there? I eat map. I eat map who? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW submitted by Katniss Everdeen | |
| Knock, knock. Who�s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Otto. Otto who? Otto know. I�ve got amnesia. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? King Tut. King Tut who? King Tut-key fried chicken! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in it�s cold out here. | Knock, knock Who's there? Boo Boo Hoo? Don't cry, it's just me! submitted by Ray York | Knock Knock Who's There? Who Who Who? l Didn't know you were an owl! HARDEE HAR HAR By: Leroy Jenkins | |
| Knock, knock. Who�s there? Two knee. Two knee who? Two-knee fish! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Hoo. Hoo who? Are you a owl? | Knock, knock. Who�s there? A herd. A herd who? A herd you were home, so I came over! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place we can get something to eat? | Knock-knock Who's there? A pile-up. A pile-up who? | Knock, knock Who's there Angelina Jolie Angelina Jolie who? Knock, knock Who's there? (mime overdone horror) Oops! I did it again! | |
Knock, knock. Who�s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, it�s cold out here! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, It�s overflowing! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Claire. Claire who? Claire the way, I�m coming through! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Arfur. Arfur who? Arfur got! | Knock-knock- Who's there? Poop Poop-who? HAHA YOu SAID POO-POO submitted by Ryan | ||
| Knock Knock Who's There Cargo Cargo who? Car go beep beep! | Knock knock. Who's there? Honey bee. Honey bee who? Honey bee a dear and get me a soda! | Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interrup-You have cancer. | Knock, knock. Who�s there? Iona. Iona who? Iona new car! | Knock, knock. Who�s there? I am. I am who? You mean you don�t know who you are? | ||
Knock Knock! Who's There? BenBen who? Ben knocking on the door all afternoon! | Who's there? Radio! Radio who? Radi-o not, here i come.. | Who's there? Thistle. Thistle who? Thistle have to hold you until dinner's ready.. | Who's there? Owls! Owls who? That's right owls hoo.. | Who's there? Ears! Ears who? Ears some more knock knock jokes for you.. | Knock knock Who's there? Me! Me who? Wow they were not kidding when they said you got hit in the head! submitted by Annalisse | |
| Knock, Knock. Who's there? To! To who? To whom. | Knock, Knock. Who's There? Howard Howard who? Howard I know? | Knock, Knock. Who's there? Xavier! Xavier who? Xavier breath and open the door! | Knock, Knock. Who's there? I did up. I did up who? AHAHAHA. YOU DID A POO! | Knock, Knock. Who's there? Mikey! Mikey who? Mikey doesn't fit in the keyhole! | Knock, Knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow! Interrupt-- Moo!!! | |
| knock knock who's there? your butt your butt who? yeah your butt poops submitted by:- Angelina garcia | why did sally drop her ice cream... she got hit by a bus.... knock knock.... who's there???? not Sally. submitted by Adrianna and Lexi | Knock knock! Who's there? I. I who? Oh my gosh! The amnesia is worse that I thought! | knock knock who's there you you who? eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr you are doing a flat poo! | Knock knock Who's there? Shelby Shelby Who? Shelby coming round the mountain when she comes... submitted by Catherine Bowdidge | Knock Knock Who's there? Little old lady Little old lad who? WOW! I didn't know you can yodel! Sub. by: Melessa South | Knock knock Who's there John John who I thought you were John hahahan |
Saturday, 25 May 2013
Male or Female
Hey why are you laughing so hard
Me: Just look at that man with the curly hair and white jeans. Is it a male or female?
It�s a girl and my daughter.
Me: ops, so sorry, sir. I didn�t know that you were her father.
Excuse me, I�m not her father but her mother!
Me: Just look at that man with the curly hair and white jeans. Is it a male or female?
It�s a girl and my daughter.
Me: ops, so sorry, sir. I didn�t know that you were her father.
Excuse me, I�m not her father but her mother!
Friday, 24 May 2013
Terms and conditions
At a nerd wedding they don't say, "I do."
They say, "I accept the terms and conditions."
They say, "I accept the terms and conditions."
Thursday, 23 May 2013
School day
Basic school day..
Me: I hate all of you.
Me: Stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday.
Me: Maybe if I hit my head on my desk I'll die.
Me: I hate all of you.
Me: Stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday.
Me: Maybe if I hit my head on my desk I'll die.
SAVE TREES
Humans are the only creature in this world, who cut the trees, made paper from it and then wrote, "SAVE TREES" on it.
Sole purpose
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
- P.J. O'Rourke
- P.J. O'Rourke
Wednesday, 22 May 2013
Light bulb
How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't know, no hipster has ever tried. Its way too mainstream!
Don't know, no hipster has ever tried. Its way too mainstream!
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Woman with two black eyes
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Nothing, you already told her twice.
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Letter of apology
My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company..
Hard to find men
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Husband and a new dog
What�s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Saturday, 18 May 2013
Next to you
That awkward moment when your mom sits down next to you while you're on the your laptop.
List of Funny Jokes
Here is the smart collection of your favorite funny jokes, so just choose, read and enjoy.'
Friday, 17 May 2013
Person with money
When a person with money meets a person with experience, the person with the experience winds up with the money and the person with the money winds up with the experience.
Incomes are like our shoes
Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip.
Made my money
I made my money the old fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.
Thursday, 16 May 2013
Ancient China
Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That's true, son.. Everywhere, EVERYWHERE!!!
Father: That's true, son.. Everywhere, EVERYWHERE!!!
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Fart and Say
Americans fart and says- excuse me
Britishers fart and says - pardon me
Japanese fart and says - forgive me
Indians fart and says - not me
Britishers fart and says - pardon me
Japanese fart and says - forgive me
Indians fart and says - not me
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
Know your husband
Why do they call it a T.V. SET when you only get one?
They know your husband is on his way to buy another!
They know your husband is on his way to buy another!
Any Sense
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers
Half-empty
Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
Character of people
"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
- Sam Ewing
- Sam Ewing
Monday, 13 May 2013
Only shorter and Korean
My last girlfriend looked like Claudia Schiffer: only shorter and Korean.
- Max Kauffman
- Max Kauffman
Sunday, 12 May 2013
High-Five
Oops, my that was not intentional. I did not hit you, I just tried to high-five your face.
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