New New Jokes

Here we come again with new new jokes to let you smile more, enjoy more and share more laughter for good day and goo life.


Wife joins English speaking class and after few days:
Wife to husband: Welcome home darling.
Husband: Thank you, but I am so tired today.
Wife: Ok, No probs, 'REST IN PEACE' :(


In marriage, no matters how many VIP comes..
The most important person is who owns the Key of car in which alcohol is stored.


Welding and wedding - what s ye difference between both?
In welding, first it sparks than things stick forever
but
In marriage, it is opposite. Here first you stick than lifetime it sparks.. :)

When there is no trust in relationship and no internet in smartphone....than...
people start playing Games..

Friend, please tell me - a good girl to marry.
Yes, i know a girl of B Com
Don worry about COM, but she must be married and smart!

Mom: Tomorrow, girl side people are coming to final
Boy: Mom, but our thinking is not matching..
Mom: So what, even our thinking is not matched with you, but still you are with us from last 30 years!!

Your feeling and confusion when guest offer you some money and your parents stop you!


Don't try to understand women.
Only women can understand women and...
they hate each others.

Mother: What should I do. Wherever I keep my money, my son steals. I am clueless.!
Me: Idea, Just keep it safe in his books. e never touches them.

How to make your wife satisfy & happy . . . .!

Do you think it is difficult, not really, but you just need to be:

1. a friend
2. a father
3. a man
4. a chef
5. an electrician
6. a companion
7. a lover
8. a brother
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a psychiatrist
13. a healer
14. a good listener
15. an organizer
16. a good father
17. Tolerant
18. Prudent
19. Ambitious
20. Capable
21. Courageous
22. Determined
23. True
24. Dependable
25. Passionate
26. Compassionate
27. Very clean
28. a decorator
29. a stylist
30. a charmer
31. a gynecologist
32. a psychologist
33. a bug exterminator
34. Sympathetic
35. Athletic
36. Warm
37. Attentive
38. Gallant
39. Intelligent
40. Funny
41. Creative
42. Tender
43. Strong
44. Understanding


AND, WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Never stress her
50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space

AND, VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* her favorite color
* her favorite flower
* her favorite gem
* her favorite fragrance
* her favorite memories
* her favorite holidays
* her favorite friends
* her favorite vacation destinations
* her favorite beverage
* her favorite food
* her favorite restaurant
* any arrangements she makes
---------------------
And Now,

HOW TO MAKE HUSBAND HAPPY

Just leave him alone or with his friends.....with his TV remote and mobile phone...and his favourite drink.....And he'll be happiest person on the earth..

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,

Your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you DO sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you DO NOT sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow�
Love,

Mom

New Series of Latest Jokes

Time continues so our efforts of adding good jokes too. Here presenting the new series of very funny/fresh jokes to let you experience again that uncontrollable laughter in very short span of time. Humor exists in every human being but it needs to be dragged out and our contents do the same. They awaken your inner crazy kid and when you go through them, you never know when you dip into the ocean of fun.

Here we go:

Do wrong positions in make our result an ugly baby?
Ask your parents!

I always keep my dream alive so whenever it alarms - I press the snooze buttons.

If things goes too well and smoothly, I doubt there must be something wrong.

I always forget that I really have such an terrible memory.

A new research reveals that an average person spends 10 hours a week. Me: Do they mean every day?

There is an app on my phone which makes you look so fatty, it is camera!

Did you know where my dog went when it loses its tail?
Retail store

I am really apologies not to come at your party tonight because I really have to get up early in tomorrow afternoon!

You know Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they come wet and wild and they leave with your house and your car.

At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn�t know gave me anything. Even the people I know don�t give me anything. (George Wallace)

Animals may be our friends. But they won�t pick you up at the airport. (Bobcat Goldthwait)

11 Crazy Jokes on Drinkers

In quest of find the good jokes and after doing lot of research, finally we are here to release 11 funny jokes to point out on drinkers that you can always share to change the mood.
Here you go:

Once a cow swallows a mobile and she goes crazy. Whenever mobile rings, she starts running like hell.
Finally a smart man suggested that better to take that cow out of coverage area.. Intelligent..


Who say drinkers are not in their senses.?

Two man were full after having 5 pags and walking on rail track..

One said: I never walked so many stairs in my life.
Second said: That is ok and side rods are so down..

If social media were school, I would get certificate for full attendance.

Once a drunker dies due to excess intake of alcohol.
See his dedication, when he was about to die, he stated that Whiskey was strong but his lever was very weak!

Man: Ok, it you offer a donkey a glass of water and a glass of wine, what he will prefer?
Friend: Water, because he is donkey!

Police stop a man and ask: where are you going at 1:00 clock in night?
Man: I am going to attend a lecture on side effects of drinking.
Police: So late, who gonna give you lecture?
Man: My wife.

Man: Knocks at his door.
Wife opens and he asks his wife: who are you?
Man: Alcohol makes you forget every tension.

Drinker donates his eyes.
Doctors asks that you want to say anything?
Man: Yes, who will use just ask him that eyes open after 2 drinks.

Man to waiter: What is hottest thing you have?
Waiter: Noddles
Man:" More Hot
Waiter: Soup
Man: More hot
Waiter Boiled water
Man: More hot
Waiter: Fire
Man: Ok get it, I need to burn my cigarette.

Your answers to funny jokes queries

People often search for jokes but many times they do not find what they actually search for, but this page and even this whole blog is made to serve you with the world's best jokes with newest updates, so just relax and enjoy!


Doctor: Do get up early in the morning and exercise.. This is the best mantra mantra for long life.
Man: But see that Chicken, gets up very early morning but in the evening - finish...

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Man to Friend: I want to give my girlfriend a good gift.
Friend: Diamond Ring?
Man: Nope, something which she has never wear earlier..
Friend: Gents Underwear...

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Boyfriend playing with her girl hairs and fainted..
When he opened his eyes after s20 minutes..
He requested hi girlfriend..Please have regular bath..

---

2 women sentenced for 20 years in one imprison.
After their freedom, they come out of prison and spoke one another...
Ok bye, rest of the talks we will have on call.

---

Yesterday, I got invitation card of my Ex-Girlfriend!
Felt little pain....
Then made my mind to go...
Because love has it own place and love for food has its own...

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Afur
Afur who?
I fur got my joke!

----

Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they come wet and wild and they leave with your house and your car..

---

Q. How do you make seven an even number?
A. Simple, just take the s out!

Jokes and Funny Lines You Can't Afford to Miss

Often, in the tight schedule of daily, we skip the laughter but it is not good. SO here we come with good jokes to be read in short time. So enjoy and spread. Hurray!


I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks �Are you reading that?" I didn�t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again. (David Brenner).


These impossible women! How do they get around us! The poet was right: can�t live with them, or without them! (Aristophanes)


I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy " I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, �Okay, you're ugly too!" (Rodney Dangerfield)

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners! (Sarah Silverman)

A comedian is sitting at the bar of a comedy club late one night when a beautiuful woman comes up to him and says "I saw you perform tonight, and you�re the funniest guy I�ve ever seen. I want to take you home and give you the hottest night you�re ever had." The comedian looks at her and says, "Did you see the first show or the second show?"

How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

9 Super Light Jokes

Life is all about laughing as much as possible, but you must need a reason to have a good laugh! Don't worry, here are top 9 light hilarious funny jokes to help in doing it. Do share them further to continue the wave of fun keep surrounding the world!

1. Wife: I can fight the whole world for you!
Husband: All the the time, you keep on fighting with me!
Wife: The lovely price, you are my whole world! :)

2. Man to 2 boys: You both look good, what is your relation?
Guy: We have very far relation?
Man: How?
Guy: He is my younger brother.
Man: So how, he is very close relative..
Guy: No, there is six more brother before him!

3. You look so beautiful in your profile pic.
Girl: I am good designer.

4. Man: Wife is missing!
Officer: Are you blind. It is post office, just go to police station.
Man: Ops, sorry, I got mad due to excess happiness!

5. I never made a mistake, I think I did it once but I was wrong!

6. Man: I am not getting married:
Priest: You can not do it, there is lot of happiness written in your fate!

7. Man: How is my son in studies?
Teacher: He is great, it feels like the invention of 0 is just for him!

8. Friend: Where are you going?
Me: Just washroom to enlighten myself. It is I will not

9. Teacher: Again, you have not did your homework, tell, what punishment should I give you?
Guy: That girl has not also did it, lock us both in bathroom!

Best Time Pass Jokes

We come here again with best ever time pass jokes to make sure that your smile never stops.


Here we go...

Girl: Dad, I want to share one important thing with you.
Dad: Ok, tell me.
Girl: I am in love with a guy. He lives in U.S.A.
Dad: But where you met?
Girl: We met on a dating website.. become friend through social media, he proposed me on Skype..
then we chatted a lot on messaging app..
Father: oh really. Then you both can get married on twitter... go on honeymoon on travel site, get kids through shopping site, and receive them through gmail..
And moreover.....if you further feel your decision is wrong... sell it reseller website...


Husband: Shouts and yells ay wife.. I am calling you from last one hour.. Why do not you pick the call?
Wife: I was dancing on ring tone.

One fat man reads the newspaper ans notices the advertisement of - Fat Reduce Program!
He call and girls replies: Ok.. Get ready in the morning at 5 AM.
Morning, his door bell rings and he opens the door. A pleases to see a beautiful girl which jogging suit.
The girl asks him if you want to kiss me - catch me and she runs.
The fat guy runs after her..
This happens for a week and he reduces his weight by 5.0 kgs.
He again participates in 10.0 kg weight reduce program.
The next morning very beautiful girls knocks the door and asks him if if wants a hug and kiss, catch.
Again, this goes for a week and he successfully reduces 10.0 kgs.
Now he become greedy and participates in 20.0 kgs weight reduce program.
The next morning....
The door bell gets ring and he surprise to see a huge black man was standing and shouts if I catch you - I will kiss you.
So run.............lol

Female: My lips are infected..
Doctor: How many times do you kiss?
Female: Once in a year!
Doctor: They are not infected rather they are rusted!!

World's smallest poem..
Life is big struggle...til wife is with you..

Please God,, Please intimate me 5 minute before dying that I am about to die.
Because I die without formatting my mobile.... It will be a big mess!

Wife: Suddenly gets up at 2 clock night... awakes her husband and asks:
Do you know the date of when you got your job?
Husband: yes, 8th April 2004
Wife: And your best friend's marriage date?
Husband: yes, 12th September 2009
Wife: Our new neighbor's age in our society?
Husband: 4 months
And you sister engagement date?
30gth July
But why are you asking this in mid of night? husband asks angrily..
Wife: Today is my birthday....
A ong silence.....

Presenting the World's Best Jokes for much better life

Life is much easier when you really do something you are capable of, with a smile on your face. People will be impressed to see your performance and will mistaken you are doing very hard work in your work but you know that you are enjoying while having fun because you are doing what you love to do. Hours pass like minutes and still you have that wish do more. This is called right choice baby.

Quick Jokes and funny stuff do the right thing for you baby so here we are going to help you by having the opportunity to let you read our newest collection of latest jokes.

But first let us aware you the endless benefits of having humor. Here are the major points here due to short of time:

1.) No space for boredom
2.) Liked by everyone
3.) Makes you most lovable person
4.) Health and no disease
5.) Double the energy
6.) Tension, oh place at all

A.) A man moves into a colony where people don't wear clothes. He receives a letter from his mom asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new place. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a that colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says... "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!"

After so much research, a man finds a book called "How to be the Man in your house". He goes through it and learns. After reading, he sets the book down stands up and says to his wife "From now onwards, my word is law. You will prepare and have ready a gourmet meal for me each evening on my return from work, you will then run me a bath, was my back and dry me off. We shall then make love the what I want to. Oh,and one more thing, guess who will be dressing me from head to toe in the morning", The wife looked up at him and replied " If I'm right it'll be the fkn undertaker"

B.) A guy walks into a pub and sits down next to a hunk with a dog at his feet.
"Does your dog bite?" "No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."

C.) �Hi, my name is (your name), and you are... gorgeous!"

D.) �You�re like a dictionary. You add meaning to my life."

E.) �Oops, I think I lost my number. Can I have yours?"


F.) �I�m invisible. Can you see me? How about tomorrow night?"

G.) You: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
You: When you fell from Heaven.

H.) Why do we trust the banks with our money, but they don't trust us with their pens?

I.) He who runs in front of a car gets tired, but he who runs behind a car gets exhausted!

j.) you're so short you can sit on the curb and swing your legs.

K.) Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A HANDSOME INTELLIGENT SENSITIVE MAN?
A: A RUMOR.

L.) What does 0 say to 8?

Ans : Nice belt!

Day with Lots of Laughs

Filling your day with lots of laughs is the best way to live you life. It lighten up your heart and makes your mood cool. Benefits are endless. You should never fall in love with sadness and the best option is falling in for fun. As this blog is dedicated to providing the entertainment material, so here we share some of latest and most liked jokes ever.

Here we go:

A Bus full of wives going for a picnic crashed with no survivors.
Each Husband cried for a week.
But one husband continued for more than a month.
When asked he replied miserably... " My wife missed the Bus"


Spouse to Husband (on Phone): Dear, Can you talk for 2 seconds? Hope, you are not busy?
Husband: Yes! Why? What is it?
Wife: I have a Good and Bad news!
Husband: I want to hear only Good news, don't have time for the Bad
Wife: Fine, the Good news is that the Air Bags in our new Range Rower worked perfectly FINE! I reached home safe but car....Ok lets leave bad news..


Boyfriend can to his girl friend: Hello. how are you doing my love!
Girl: perfect sweetheart!
Boy: Can you please spare time to meet me during the weekend at my home alone?
Girl: Ops, I am sorry honey, I can't because I am going to attend my cousin's wedding and the next day I'll be too tired. sorry.
Guy: Ok as you wish but I was just planning to take you out for mall, surprise you with an smartphone, then buy you a new dress and the movie and much more..
Girl: Wow, I will be coming and I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my love.
Guy: What about the wedding?
Girl: Which wedding, I was joking...
Guy: Me too...


Whats the difference between women and batteries?
Batteries have a positive side!


What's the difference between a normal birthday party, and a bulimic birthday party? At the bulimic birthday party, the cake jumps out of the girl instead of the girl jumping out of the cake.


What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin that pushed the first one.

Every week we add New Jokes and Quotes

"This funny humorous post is invented to add new quotes and jokes instantly as they come new in the market/mind. You can visit check enjoy it now and visit it again to check upcoming fun. So everybody - Get ready to laugh!"
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If hubby is head of the family then what is wife?
Wife is the neck of the family and can turn head anywhere!

Wife: I will not survive. I will be died!
Husband: I will also be died.
Wife: I have fever and going through big pain but why you will die?
Husband: I can not tolerate so big news of happiness.

In psychology class..
Professor has placed a cake and other side female rat.
Rat gone to cake.
Other time, they places bread and female rat. Than again it goes to bread.
Several times, they put different food items but rat never attracted to female rat.
Professor - It is proved that hunger is bigger than love.
One intelligent student: Sir, Will you please once try to replace the female rat? It may possible that existing female is its wife!!

"Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I am doing." - Werner Von Braun

"Instant gratification takes too long." - Carrie Fisher

"It is difficult to keep quiet if you have nothing to say." - Malcolm Margolin

Man: I am very happy with life. Everything is just perfect. No problems, lot of free time and peace of mind.
Doctor: I got your nerve. You have lack of vitamin SHE!

Boys capability of keep balance should be examined when they are making pegs!
Crazies - They distribute it like they are sharing heaven's syrup! Cheers..

Lot of Laugh

No intro - because you know what we are going to do, is make you lot of laugh! so get ready..


The person who got married in hurry - has spoiled his life..
So what ! Who has married so calmly has the same results...
People make lot of fun on marriage where husband is only victim. If you are in this category - you can understand the above pun better.

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Wife: Will you please give me the news paper,please?
Husband: How backward you are! People have reached to moon... Please take my tablet and use it.
Wife: Taken the table and killed the cockroach with it..
Hubby: Insane!
lNever try to boast anything. First listen to your wife - they are always right. Over smartness kills that is what happens in above joke.

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Life is visiting card.. Wife is memory card.. Husband is a ATM card..
Girlfriend is a debit card, neighbor is greeting card, sister in law is recharge card.
Parents ate pan card. Brother in law a duplicate card. child is identity card.
But friends are perfect card, works everywhere!
Every relationship is like card so use them wisely and save some good one for lat minute usage.
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Two biggest lie of the world.
Female: Just getting ready in 2 minutes.
Male: Just coming home in 2 minutes.
World truth - and convert it as a part of humor.

----

After marriage the shy boy got confused on how to start the conversation!
After long silence, he finally asks to his wife: Do your family know that you are going to stay here from tonight onward?
Shyness makes sometime dumbo. So this bridegroom asks a silly question out of fear and makes us smile.

Crazy, New but for above 18

Sorry, this time for being late, but better late than never. So here, again, bringing some of the best, crazy, corny, lovely, naughty jokes you ever heard but take care as this time they are for above 18 and have got some comic climax of couples..you know..lol..
So go down, and have fun..

1.) A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.

2.) A blonde walked in on her husband having an affair. She was so angry she pulled out a gun and pointed to the woman's head. She was about to pull the trigger, when her husband said, "No, don't!" and she replied, "Shut up, you're next!"

3.) A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

4.) Man comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger with his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."

5.) One day a girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for my special day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

6.)Two 4 year boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".
"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.
"What's that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."

7.) "How old were you when it was cut off?"

8.) "My mother said I was just 2 days old."

9.) "Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.

10.) "You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"

11.) Couple started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 11 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flash light!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past 7 minutes!"

12.) As an Air plane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!

13.) Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you�ve got it made.

14.) His sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!